Friday, May 13, 2011

Today's Question


Someone help me straighten this out, please?  I suspect that once the dust settles from this one, we will not be any clearer on the issue than when we started.  However, I bet this goes well and I like to laugh.  What is a hipster?  I’ve been told that I am kind of like one but not really when people thought of it before shooting their mouths off, a problem from which we have all suffered at one point or another.  Here, for example, I sit in relatively “skinny jeans” (thought not sufficiently so to limit procreative abilities), writing a “blog-post,” listening to music that I’ve made in my “basement studio,” on the way upstairs to take out my “recycling” before I head out to purchase some “vinyl” records and “micro-brews” all done on my “bicycle.” 
            So, if we were to analyze this, from my perspective, none of this makes me a hipster.  First, skinny jeans are hardly hipster-esque.  They are merely a seventies revival, they fit well, and are perfect for riding a bike.  Does that make me a hipster? No, that makes me practical and shows a desire to keep my kibbles in bits in good working order instead of having my bullocks smashed every time I hit a pothole.  Pompa 1, Hipsters 0.
            Secondly, web logs are a godsend for creative types and the kind of folks that like to stay connected with their peers.  It is an excellent way to share experiences and learn new things.  As I understand it, most hipsters are too cool for school and wouldn’t give a shit about trying to learn something from someone else unless it involved free PBR or the awesome-est band you’ve never heard of and never will, because you suck.  Pompa 2, Hipsters 0.  Admittedly, I enjoy so-called underground, rare, and obscure music, but I’ll share it with you rather than make you feel like a turd that you didn’t know about them already.  Pompa 3, Hipsters 0.
            Thirdly, and related to issue two, yes I make music.  I know many people that make music.  Making music does not make you a hipster.  Luciano Pavarotti made music.  Was he a hipster? Hell no, I think, is a safe answer.  Ravi Shankar made music.  Indian hipster or master sitar player.  From what I’ve been told there are only sub-continental Indian hipsters in Brooklyn, San Francisco, and Milwaukee.  This is very basic generalization and limiting but probably not far from reality.  In either case, making music does not a hipster make.  Making some kinds of music may make you a hipster.  While fashioning experimental, electronic, psychedelic sounds may make you a hipster, I again will not make you feel like a turd if you don’t listen to my record.  Pompa 4, Hipsters 0.
            Fourthly, I recycle, and I compost.  If you don’t, that is okay.  I will rarely judge you.  My boss informed me that, though he has the container in his garage, he still doesn’t recycle.  I told him that his actions were abhorrent and that he epitomized my definition of laziness.  I JUDGED HIM.  I used to drive, with my wife, to a remote facility to drop off our recycling.  Now, my City, I believe actually recycles what we put in our blue bin.  I make an effort because the Earth is fucked up and we are likely the reason for that and I don’t want my kid to have to run his tap water through charcoal purification in the future.  That certainly doesn’t make me a hipster because I am demonstrating care for another living being without seeking recognition.  I’ve always recycled, I’ll continue to recycle, and I’ll help you do it if you ask me to.  As far as the information I’ve been given, these are not traits of the elusive hipster.  Correct me if I am wrong.  Pompa 5, Hipsters 0.
            Fifth, we have the issue of my vinyl collection.  Three points, and not a single point more.  A.Vinyl is analog and it sounds richer and more beautiful than 1s and 0s.  Again, I’m not judging you if you don’t listen to vinyl.  Don’t judge me because I don’t have an Ipod.  Deal?  B. I am a dj. I dj records…that is how I started and that is how I will likely finish.  C. Vinyl music comes with art in a tangible format.  Remember buying music from a music store?  If you have always bought vinyl it makes you old fashioned, not a hipster.  Pompa 6, Hipsters 0.
            Sixth, micro-brewed beer is just like old beer, but better in a ton of cases (no pun intended).  You try to buy local food, local booze, local music, and local stuff so that Walmart doesn’t murder you in your sleep and run off all of the nice people in your community.  Also, beer tastes good and makes you feel nice.  If you want to drink Busch Lite because it tastes good rather than being friendly to your pocket book, you will probably get diarrhea, for starters, and have deeper issues than being concerned with what type of beer I drink.  Can hipsters afford micro-brews if they don’t work at a micro-brewery?  Don’t know, not a hipster, don’t work in a micro brewery either.  Again, I know many, many people that like beer.  Mmmmmmmmm.  Pompa 7, Hipsters 0.
            Seventh, and this has gone on for long enough at this point, is the issue of my bicycle.  I ride my bike to get exercise, because gas if obscenely fucking expensive, and because I care about the environment.  So, I want to be fit and I’m cheap.  I ride the goddamn thing in the rain and cold.  If you think I do that to be cool, you’re dumb. 
            Finally, here is the capper.  I have a wonderful baby boy.  He makes even hipsters smile.  But, I don’t see a whole lot of hipsters with babies, because they don’t find poopy diapers very hip.  Having babies can make you cool, but it is the antithesis of hipsterdom.  So there.
            Hit me back with your answers.  I am so curious, I could pee!

4 comments:

  1. http://www.hulu.com/watch/210886/portlandia-this-bar-is-over
    or, hipster = grunge * metrosexual

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  2. Im not really sure what a hipster is exactly, but I wouldn't think of you as being in this category.

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  3. I love this. Phil, I have known you a long time, and I would never consider you to be a hipster. A pioneer or sorts, yes. But never a hipster. I would never be able to look you in the eye if you were a hipster. You are full of ingenuity and brilliance. Here's to never being hipsters. May they all choke on their own smug.

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